I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
