Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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