My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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