It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize