I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
