cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
