the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize