this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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