hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
