Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
