EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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