It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
