i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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