In the future we'll all be gay
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
