So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
