and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
