The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
