I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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