Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this will be a night to untag.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize