What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize