Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
