You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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