he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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