I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
