Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
