Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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