went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
