john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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