If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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