I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
