guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
