I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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