So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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