did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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