Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
