he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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