My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
