It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
