is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
did you just send me my own nude
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
