Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
