hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
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do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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