Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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