There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
