Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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