Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
