win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
