And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
