it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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