I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
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Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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