I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
