Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
