why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
