Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
