Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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