she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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