I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
