Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I see more hoeing in ur future
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