...so i touched it.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
