Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
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i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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