I hate your face
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
