things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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