we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Randomize
