Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
