I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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