My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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