NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
