so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
