when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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