my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
