If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wear drunk well.
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