I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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