I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
