i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
