The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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