Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
