Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
