ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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