Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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