i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
