so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
