Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
